Friday, June 18, 2004

Pickle Tickle….ummmm

Mentioning a few roses and bricks of my experience with the "PICKLE".
Please do not expect any expert, adept recipe or assistive thoughts here to make your culinary experience more gracious.

Read on the drivels of a food faddist.
I recall, those huge satchels I had too carry to hostel after a house visit.
Mummy's special, Granny's love, aunt's compultion, neighbors’ threat.... and many more in the menu.
All of them, collage of exotic spices, chili, oil, vinegar ummm and.. and ..can’t remember, my short term memory always betrays me damn.
Eat them in groups hiding from the seniors or threaten the freshies and grab em,
any day any time any where is "PICKLE" time.

I had the pleasure of, staying in all the four south Indian states and taste the different “PICKLES”.
Let me put the whole story in an ordered way.
1.PLACE: ”Ochira” (Maternal house)
ACTOR: "Vaasanthi"(my umma umma granny)
PS: “umma” is kisses in mallu, though one reference is enough, I am a little extravagant in Granny’s case.
Rewind 9 years, eveninig, the huge sack of miniscule mangoes collected during the week is at last ready to be sorted and readied for their last divine trip, in to those HUGE pickle barrels. That evening it is a regale for all the kids, I ve lost count of how many, I used to hate sharing with mallu, shallu, kannan, nandu, ammu, marrarikullam madhavan nair (yes that is a name, and of my 3 year old cousin) in the house.
With the constant squalling from the elders we manage enough of the ripe ones to be relished with salt and chili powder.
Don't know how it is done but then after 3 days of "Operation Pickling", they are sealed tight (not tight enough for us) and stacked into the dark and dismaying storerooms.
We get to taste them "officially" only latter ..long after, till then the reserve Barrels from the past years fill our “PICKLE” needs.

Red in color they can tingle your tungee for 2 litters of water (when I was 13). Vaasanthi used to love seeing us kids run around in search of water bodies with the tongues hanging out loathly, now I can settle for a glass, to Vaasanthi's dismay.
My personal fav is the ones doused in vinegar and salt, even I can make it.

Apart from the foretell, after every incident I will give away my well-kept and exotic recipes to the readers one by one.
These were passed down to me from my forefathers and contain the secret to success of many chefs and hotels.
Please don’t pass it around and spoil its divinity.

Presenting to you "Recipe de exotique pickle au Anoop".
1) Tiniest mangoes (nos-your need).
2) Vinegar (till u get drunk... kiddding. Just a little bit).
3) Container.
4) Cloth (to tie the mouth of the container).
Clean the mangoes thoroughly, don’t cut them.
Drop them one by one into the container with lot of salt and vinegar, SLOWLY.
Count them for amusement.
Tie the mouth with the cloth, very very tight; even Vaasanthi should not be able to open it.
Wait for ages and let your great-grand children eat them and get drunk.

Look amma your boy can cook
PS: Author is not responsible for any medical complications or death.
2.PLACE: SRM Engineering College, Hostel MESS-2.
ACTOR: Anoop MohanKumar.
College days are to be remembered, coincidence this incident feature our HERO "Pickle" but in a completely different advert
"OORUGAI".....(had to ask that to a Tamil friend of mine, even now).
So, fresher in the canteen, my turn to collect the paapad and help myself with sumptuous Pickle (last time reference), but alas the bucket was missing, which prompted me to ask a simpletons question "Anna pickle engai"(where is the pickle).
The inevitable happened, a sudden hush fell over, a bees buzz would have enounced thunder, all the mess boys and the "Master-Mathiazhagan" (Head chef) turned to me and stared, not knowing what was wrong, this dolt repeats the question "Anna pickle engai"....
Note: The referral "mess-BOYS" don’t do any justice to the physique of those guys. I still get nightmares, and am daunted by those stares.

One of the "BOYS" came close to me, smell of sweat, raw cut vegetables,
the tanned skin from the furnace,
it was just him and me,
the silence was killing, with a tooth-pic squelched in his mouth,
the deep and shivery voice ask me "ne ENNA solai...?"(What did say).

Before the shots were fired.
from the back of the queue, the savior came "give him the ' OORUGAI '...."
and from nowhere the bucket of pickle remerged, pooh what a relief.
Till date I’m proud to have withstood that onslaught by the pickles oops " OORUGAI ".

Presenting "Recipe de merde Mathiazhagan"(don’t bother look for English of "merde", not worth it)

HOW TO MAKE IT: You don’t want to know.
YOU NEED: Mangoes (supposedly), and lot of other things only Mathiazhagan knows and you’ll never want to.
Those days “medre athiazhagan pickle” used to be our best pick in the menu , and thank you HEAD CHEF.

PS: No harmful side effects. Turns you into a capable soul to survive any cuisine anywhere, even the Satyam canteens.
3.PLACE: Varun Reddy's Residence.
ACTOR: Aiyo Anoop Again.
After a hard days work (you do that when u join first in a company, latter on u learn the tricks), I am looking forward to meeting Varun and pamper myself on the exuberant dinner he has promised me.
Ocassion-Vijayadeshami.I could smell food from the doorstep, my tummy avid. Starving since morning was paying off.
All that was to change.
Thanks to my short-term memoirs, I will refer to the dishes except our hero, as X, Y, Z, a, b, c.
We started the meal with a serving of X, which was great, then jump on to Y oooohh,
and then came a large serving of Z again ummma,
a, b and c came after that ....wha kya meal tha
I went home a contented man with a temporary paunch.... and lived happily ever after.
NOOOO that was not to happen, did I forget to mention X, Y, Z, a, b, c every thing even the water came along with our hero "THE PICKLE".

What is with these Golties (no malice indented here), please refer to the meaning of Pickle in the dictionary it says
" (a sauce made from) vegetables or fruit which have been preserved in a vinegar sauce or salty water:".
It’s vinegar..baba ….vinegar ..Not 15 KGs of red-hot chili.

I remember the next day, I spend in the toilet. Dreadful days are not worth remembrance, so no more details on that.
But I realized that, with all the pain and trauma I went through I still like the “PACHADI”
A pickle with a tickle...............
That was the best pickle I ever had and there is no vis-à-vis for it, and never will be.
Hats off.
"Een jesnaaru saru .. oka manchi pachadi cheyi" for the ordinary Human.(excuse my telugu)

Presenting "Reciep de chaud au Valsala aunty"

HOW TO MAKE: Please call 09886464668.
YOU NEED: Please call 09886464668.

WARNING: Do you want me to explain more of my days in the loo.....common
4.PLACE: Some where in Bangalore.
ACTOR: Anoop and the unknown crusader (just for the effect)
New in Bangalore, look out for the life sustaining, pleasing, most wanted, something every verile, anthropoid dude wants..
no no .. not the babes, we are talking about food here.. food.
I see a restaurant at the corner of the street. Looks decent enough, pretty crowded
(Now the babes come into picture). I decide to entertain my taste buds there.
Still remember the restaurant name "some saagar”, kudos’ to my short-term memory.

Ordered lunch (mini meals) south Indian. Every thing is fine, even the price tag. The food is good, it is tasty and served clean enough
But then something is missing (5 Rs for guessing what)..Our Hero "Upinna Kai".
On request the waiter got me a small bowl of "Upinna Kai", the look of it reminded me of my fish tank with the "gold fishes “swimming around.
The bowl substituted the tank and the "Gold fish" raw pieces of mango; the water was the same only for the color, RED.
Bangaloruuuu give me the best "Upinna Kai", that’s a dare (Especially, girls who are single, have no parents at home, preferably settled in Bangalore)

My encounters with our hero will continue in different forms and names, and hopefully I will get to drivel about them more some time latter.
If there is one person reading this and has not tasted "PICKLE" please get a cup of water and drown yourself, for if there is a GOD, then his/her second name is
" P. I. C. K. L. E ".

Bone apetite and happy pickling.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

FLAB comparison...cos YOU MATTER.

Happy birthday another of my "FAT"friend(no malice intended here)
and "FAT" is a conjecture with refference to some of my friends, the quaint method to insult someone,no not for me.
I have always loved the ones on the ,kaushik ishtyle of quote(all about him latter in the bickering)...."A little on the MUSCULAR"...side, to stike off four names that are ettched to my brain.
Read on ....and keep in mind I Love them all,

height:short then ..dont know now
weight:then- was no concern, but had never let him play crocodile-race as my
partner,esp when i had to carry him.
now - NO IDEA
Kendriya Vidyala Naval base,
Class of grade-3,
Bench 4th from the front,
{Anoop[intro]:}A new-comer timid,adventurous and all alone,....{Bijoy:[intro]}....The first person to come and smile at
me was 10 times..hmm 6 times bigger than me yobo and it looked like he was going to browbeat me, atleast that was what
I thought.
Ended up the best of pals.We used to exchange cards ,penned "To my dear Brother..".
I still remember he gifting me a pawn supposed to be made out of marble.When 10yrs old it was a venerated posession.
I lost it ,though i have the birthday card he gave me the same year.
After his dad, a naval officer ,got transferred, BIJOY got embedded in my LTM.

2)ASHWIN PAI alias Twinkle PAI(1997-1999)
height:average then..dont know now
weight:then- plumpy
now - musta reduced (ass H&*^* mail me..)
Chinmaya Vidyalaya,
Class of grade-12,
Waiting in the assembly.
{Anoop[intro]:} Why the *#$* am I here...{Ashwin pai:[intro]}... NON EXISTING
The year 1999 did bring about a lot of changes, to mention, Going to school in a of the most scenic mornings you can ever think of,
aaah to start the day with aesthetically pleasing backwaters and sunrise ( school used to start at 7 in the morning)
that was the greener side of my memoirs ,definitely (I will write a drivel on my puerility days in Willingdon Island).
I get to know this plump,chweeet,ruddy Ashwin through "Parameshwaran sir's" tution ,rather than as a class mate,latter benchmate.
He was not fat though ,but his tummy could have made a sub for my punch bag(not that i had one)
Admirer of "Tinkle" comics( note the year please.. ahem age please ) and hence the alias.
Me,Sankar and tinkle "used to be good" chumps(Ashwin please read the quotes, if you still alive u FAT TWINKLE reading dud,you make me do this all the time,HO-hum.

3)KAUSHIK alias FATSO alias KAU(2004-tilldate).
height:6ft..and still growing (horizontally hehehe).
weight:then- cannot divulge here(Kau i keep the promise).
now - hail unswerving Anoop.
Came as a storm ,but that was only the semblence,de facto zephyr.
I ll never forget the "wall slam" on my Bday he gave me (to explain the agony ill have to disclose the fortofied "weight" factor)
Staunch me (kau you listening....get that bottle of Tequila for me) and i will get back to you for that some time.
And the "No fear" T is still me favourite.
habituated HOGGER ,soulful,definition of "lie through your teeth" ,brag about his so called muscles ,fiery underpants and more ....
I love you Kau....hope i m alive when you stop vaunting.
Please dont lose weight ...half my property for you ..please

4)Vittal Happy Birthday .. have more obese days and make me proud.

My mentation tells me that the "FAT" ones in my life has always been the cute, loving ,toteup "FAT rocks dude"
Now why did i start ..ah...

bitch tits...
thunder thighs...
what the heck the earth holds me..

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Lamenting my "CREED"

It happened out of the blue.At first I was dubious then skepticism creeped in but then it was too late for any kind of quelch.The news was out "Creed has DISBANDED".
Some bad news come as a storm but then there is always hope of a new sprout ,a new begining after every disaster.
Next time we'll hear the deep mellifluous voice and highly vehement compositions ,may be some time when the band does the "One Last time we ll do it together AGAIN" concert ,and god knows when!

A heavy hearted FAN signing off.

....Cos when you are with me ,I m free ,I m careless ,I believe....

I'm the king of Hallucinations or a Dolt!..I wonder

3 days away from the aboninable sound of tapping on the key board,
(the 3 day week end was a "operation success", the commando operation deviced in this pudding-head...BUNKED work with the excuse of Bad tummy)
a long restful week end.All this I consider a treat for myself, question of whether meriting or not has no relevance here.

Its like the first breath of air after you dive 30 feet deep ..whoaa the gush the relief,what an anology

started the week end in a pretty shakky way, friday evening and ,my brain cells were annulled by the bangalore taffic ,and then to add to my agony "I PRESENT TO YOU ..the man who crosses the road blind", damn i felt like running him down.

and there he was the mirthful "RAJ" himself, i think that is what i wanted after having such a disastrous day.

The string of events start from then, for the next 2 days i slept 9 hours (i dont believe it) ,though it was made up to on
monday, when things were happening so fast i ll have to brain storm to recollect the wierd things we did
1)stay awake and entertain each other with prosaic ghost stories, though a few of us did get spooked.
me too me too.. when it turned out that there was no power in the house, what a conjunction.

2)Do the "Wall trip" all nite and freak every body, and hoodwink them into believing that they were "DEAD"....
paramapara .. i m a GOD man now "the man who conquered death".

3)Play B-ball after night out--every body had their eyes closing even before they said "i'm sleepy".

There were more to add but amnesia has taken over,who can avert the obviate.
Monday revitalised me ,13 hours of sleep and a dainty "MALLU" lunch to top.

Wish just wish they would pay me the same lump of currency to just sit in "Shiva MESS" or "Achaayan MESS" and
treat my taste buds to the full,ah ah ..wait or I could just jump of the building and drift like a feather ,float down to the lap of that beautiful lady I saw at "KABAAB MAGIC" or just walk on one hand till the whole world follows me...fataaak... u can do a better hallucination than that Anoop.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

"KOIYAN" the cult..and the sagaa continues...

The "KOIYAN" was deviced by the "thinking" club in the dark forbidden lanes of Chennai.
How cruel of nature to not let "US" consummate..and why just the KOIYAN's

With all puffed chest, I spark the "Anti-Koiyan" campaign.

Dear reader you will have to go through this word all throught the blogs ...
cant help it though ..its in my blood
Hail anti-koiyan,
How positively passive-aggressive of me to have posted this.
More revelations of Koiyan in the upcoming blogs.

the show that ..."showered with rock"

Was it the rain or just the rude auto guy whome i asked for directions!!!
came saturday, every atom in my body was ready to go for the (fireo motorock) atleast thats what the news paper said.
and there was not even a touch of "ROCK" in what i heard at palace grounds that day.

When was the last time you felt like you were naked and sliding over a blade edge?it was 2 days back for me.
It was raining all evening and bone chilling cold, but then this Music bust wanted more and I go all alone(to be noted)
26KM ( check out the urge) through Bangalore traffic to listen to "ROCK"

It pays off ...the trouble the passion the hmmmm..evry thing pays off

Rest of the blog may contain words or meanings which could be disturbing, and any memoirs of "nighmares" is merely
coicedental also the writer takes no responsibility to the medical and emotional after effects(call me on 9886464668)
PLEASE DONT SUE ME ...(leon if u or any of the guys happen to read this)

boy that was a sad,..just ignore the previous mumbling

So here I was at the entrance and I could hear the base thumping through, didnt even bother to park the bike properly, i rush
myself to the gate just to realise the music that was being played it went from the sublime to the ridiculous...HINGLISH ROCK
where is the good music, RSJ are u there .....?
that was a sad attempt to segue to the following...

All I find there was a universal gettogether for the "KOIYAN's" and watch them flaunt to death about their flashy clothes and
non-existing knwolege of "good music".Thsese "Koiyans" are the prissiest, but then thier clothes do churn your tummy at times.

They start moving forward when the band ( hmmm can't even pronounce their name .. agreed by the lead for the band too, ON STAGE)
started playin "this aint song for the broken hearted ... taing.. taing .. tung tung tungggg tung" ,no malice intended here.

By the grace of my fore-fathers good deeds, just when i went for a fag and chips, the rain GOds felt "enough is enough" ,It
started POURING ..first vision that came in my narked mind was..Macaulay Culkin doing the "NOW EAT THIS" in MJ..
gee it s fun to see others, all drenched and shivering running haywire when u
puff to glory and yes munch into the "classic salted" chips all this by the warmth of the tea and shade of the covers above you
(did i say i have horns and a tail with arrow head)

Then there was this friend of mine who had no other word than "F#$*" in his vocabulary,
though it was preceded or vice versa with one of your ancestral names
oh and the group of highly safosticated "DUDes" who thought the "duds" who were on stage were "Moksha",when all the while
some demented freak band was playing the Rock version of a sanskrit sloka in a high falsetto.
Well there was a feel good factor though "babes" .. but the saga comtinues, the "KOIYAN's" sweep em all.

All wet and shivering and satisfied after Swearing at innocent musicians who didnt play ,
just because they loved their life and didnt want to die electricuted in front of a bunch of "KOIYANs",
or instead the lead singer could have gone back to chennai and said..
"well no more MOKSHA the rest of them got fried till their jocs, trying to play a tribute for the KOIYANs"

I drive through the mud and dirt back abode to listen to some Kobain in sankars ancient MP3 player. alas my rock thirst bilogical cells
atleast get get to tell each other brrrr.. "dine with the devil".