Tuesday, January 31, 2006

BIRIYANI ADAMS

The long cut posters hanging from the signal posts in Bangalore’s glimmer. The shinning twisters and holograms stuck to the back of every vehicle in Bangalore’s posh. The everlasting stone rock concert at every Bangaloreans lip, pouring over coffee, wine and gin. Fails to understand the truth and real story of a tough little boy, who was struggling for his share of half cooked bread and ice cold sambhar, in the little town of Karaikudi.

Karupiayah Andhony Adams. The boy born to a Tamil worker girl and her supervisor-at-site, Greg Vincent; In the year 1959 when the building contract for the five star hotel was won by a British builder.
He promised her songs on the guitar, comforts of life, and loads of biriyani; and was never to return again after the five star hotel was built. Knowing very well that the timid Tamilian girl he used to fool around with was 6 months Pregnant.
The wrath and ira she went through made her abandon the lil boy by the church gate, just after he was born.

The little boy with characteristic tanned hair and enough complexion to emulate a British, grew up with a liking for music. He started leading the church choir the day he could pronounce "praise the lord" correctly. He used to flirt with nuns and impress them with his guitar tabs. He was a charmer, a young lad who would make it big some day. Sister Khuswant singh who raised the boy since he was 3 hours old, knew this deep in her heart.
Karupiayah Andhony Adams started writing songs when he was the age of 3, though he knew only 5 of the English alphabets A, B, E, D, and G. He managed to put these down in tabs, only he understood.

He sang and sang till his throat bled. One day it bled so bad that he could not feel his tongue; all he felt was the warm touch of his own blood. That's when Sister Khushwant Singh gave him the medicine, the medicine that would stick with him for the rest of his life, the medicine that would cure all his pains away, the medicine that would put him on the centre stage of glamour and fame. She gave him one full 'andaaal' of chicken biriyani.

The Chicken Biriyani did wonders to his throat and his voice, from melodious to divine, from divine to dapankoothu, karupiyah was going places; and he was ready for it. By the age of 18 he was a super duper hit in the town of Karaikudi.
He was known for that voice of his, the voice that made cows and buffaloes clean their own dumps from the streets, that made mothers weep, that made compulsive ass holes like me, to repent.
The voice that will keep him 18 till he's dead.

He wrote,

It does not work with armani suits
No gucci shoes - or designer boots
I’ve tried the latest lines from a to z
But there’s just one thing that works good on me

The only thing I want
The only thing I need
The only thing I choose
The only thing that works good on me...is you..
Chicken Biiiiriyaaani....

Ya it’s you - it could only be you
Nobody else will ever do
Ya baby it’s you - that I stick to
Ya we stick like glue

The only thing I want
The only thing I need
The only thing I choose
The only thing that looks good on me...is you
Chicken Biiiiriyaaani....

Hence Karupiayah Andhony Adams was christened, Biriyani Adams.
Since then he has grown in fame and money. He has been all around the world; he has seen many places and people. Amidst all this he forgot Karaikudi, and Sister Khushwant Singh along with her sorcerous Biriyani; until he started loosing his voice and felt his own blood in his mouth, again.

So he came back to visit his birth place, Karaikudi in pretex of some show in Bangalore, in the year 1994. Secretly meeting Sister Khushwant and devouring her Chicken Biriyani, he flew back, to fame glory and more money.

Like the wise man once said, Money and Fame keeps friends and family away. Sister Khushwant was left alone again; Until Biriyani Adams went sour with his voice again.

So he flew back to karaikudi in the pretext of another show in Bangalore, in the year 2001.
Everything was the same only that Biriyani Admans had other plans, this time. Plans that will scare day lights out of George Bush too.

Now who will want to keep the golden egg if he can steal the duck itself?

So Biriyani Adams devised a depraved plot to capture Sister Khushwant and her secret recipe. He tried his best to persuade Sister Khushwant Singh to either come with him or give away with the secret recipe, but his stillborn plot failed. Though he got his 'andaal' of chicken Biriyani, he had to go back epty handed with neither Sister Khushwant nor the secret recipe.

He vented all his frustration on stage, that evening in Bangalore.



He came back in 2004, with similar debased intensions. Alas, he ended up venting his anger on stage, AGAIN!!


In the year 2006, he is planning to come back and this time he will not return empty handed, so beware Sisters and brothers of Karaikudi, Biriyani Adams is back with vengeance.
But only this time he has changed ....
.....all that chicken biriyani did work on him; Just around his cheeks, neck and belly

...
..
.

6 comments:

silverine said...

Finally a 'classic' Anoop Mohan Kumar Blog.

Anoop you are incorrigible!! LOL Sister Khushwanth Singh???? Only you can think of such names. I am sure she must a anonymous colomnist who write "with malice towards all"....Hilarious post!!! The Vijay Mallya angle was unexpected. But I beg you please why did he have to be born in Kerala of all the places? Are we that insane? Why not Punjab or Bihar???

Anyways this is the height of wild imagination. Good one :))

Anoop MohanKumar said...

Thank you Silverine,

It feels great to get the wild thoughts flowing back again; and to see buddy comments liek your's.
**"But I beg you please why did he have to be born in Kerala of all the places? "***
If you were refering to "Karaikudi" as the birth place, then it is in TN not Kerala, and it is famous for its Biriyani's.

Oh and I love those Karaikudi Chicken biriyani's *smack*.

Sushil said...

Hi Anoop ,
Thanks for the kind words on my pictures. Loved this entry ...and yes the Vijay Mallya angle was a shock :-). Very well thought out and written ... shall visit this blog often ...

Mayacassis said...

BIRIYANI ADAMS hahahhahahhaah..can't stop.good man

Lavanya said...

Was looking for 'vijay mallya, birthplace'..googled it and ur blog pops up as one amongst many...but 'chupru' stands out...i mean how many ppl in any world - real or cyber would have that name ?....was pleasantly surprised!

Anonymous said...

science current event