Gastritis, a "Canteen" away......

We work hard, to cater to our basic necessities and FOOD stands tall in the list, for me, and my company takes extra care when it comes to food. After all it is our heath that determine the NYSE quote of the company.

Past few weeks at my new office, tempted me to try the different culinary delights they serve in the office canteen. I’ll try and describe them to you. Though my descriptions won't do justice to the treat my taste buds have been through; I’ll try my best.
(just in case you did not notice the sarcasm)

9:20 AM --Read breakfast menu.
9:25 AM --Realise it’s the same menu, as past 5 days.
9:30 AM --Over heard a guy……. “I am just out of hospital,… no no this time I escaped death ……. Yes it was the biriyani I ate”
9:35 AM --Pray to God and get my idlies.
9:50 AM --I am still alive.

Parathas come with an axe-saw blade just in case you feel like eating them, or you could leave them to soak in the age old curd for 4 days before they become soft.

We have Karnataka specials every day. "chowchow bath", hah… nothing Chinese about this dish.
When the experts called the pan chewing chef to know what his new preparation was.
He said “go go, I am in the bathroom,”
The half deaf expert heard it “chowchow bath”.
(I am loosing my sense of humor so is my common sense, so please excuse the above drivel)

The Juice section in the canteen works 24/7.
They add a pinch of mango/grape/orange essence with the tall glass of water.
"Milk" is a cosmetic, also serevs as a camouflage in milk shakes.

Burp........ Can’t wait for lunch.

12:30 PM --lunch is served.
12:34 PM --I see the menu.
12:34 PM --LUNCH FINISHED.
Thank god the cooler water comes free.

Burp....... can't wait for tea break.

4:30 PM --The menu screams "Today’s Menu".
1) Asserted BONDAS.
Please excuse the mess boys English, that was meant to be assorted. But then, could that be a candid warning, maybe he meant assaulted.
These bondas alias "Killer bondas", come in blood shot red colour and looks obnoxious, like one of those aliens that suck blood from your neck in a cheap space fiction serial.
The day I buy them will be to puncture my boss’s skull.

2) Mangalore BU’n’S.
Some smart chap replaced the 'n' with a 'M' on the menu board.
This is a highly sophisticated dish which is made according to the secret recipe.
They have to go buy the buns, make it sound exotic, serve them. The rest is done by the hungry software engineer.
Plain buns they are, oops...not just any plain bun, soggy depleted "Mangalore Buns"; mind that.

3) Set Dosa.
Same as the breakfast dosas, only that count in the plate is increased.

4) Veg colizoniues
Please don’t ask me what they are or to pronounce this word.
The French client who thought Indian software professionals didn’t know how to kill each other designed it for us. It takes fifteen minutes to prepare, so you have enough time to decide whom to throw at.

5) Veg Pizzas alias flying disks.
Topped with exotic sauces and decayed vegetables, just the smell is enough to keep you in loo for 10 days.

6) Boanda soup:
The super combination of devil and her advocate.
Never tried them. Some day when I feel like I’ve had enough of life, I’ll order one.

4:50 PM—--Return to the cubical.

I survived another day.