Long long ago in the land of naked women and hot prostitutes there lived a young boy who stuck to his celibacy only because he didn’t watch discovery channel or Surya-TV Saturday nites.
His sister stayed dark cos she missed the "fair and lovely add".
His mom could never figure out when and where to cry cos she never saw any soaps.
His dad died thinking Sachin Tendulkar was his famous next door neighbour; who drove TVS victor.
Who to blame, me? you? or them? They create an electronic marvel like TV and then form a faction [turnoff network] to actually turn it off!! or invent a device [TV-b-gone turns off any TV in a range of 20-50 Ft] to deprive humans of their few worldly pleasures! These traitors should be made to sit butt naked in a upturned broken coke bottle till it’s full of blood
[Ahem excuse my sadistic approach; I get very emotional when it comes to my stuff close to my heart]
My friend Vinayak opened my eyes to the atrocities happening in this world, thank you buddy.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Readymade Bribe
The morning glory got in to me and I stayed irritated all day. Traffic on hosur road and Bangalorean's traffic sense added to the pleasure.
After cheating death, twice on the BTM road; just before entering Hosur road I witnessed the amazing act of “SERVING FOR A CAUSE”. We know traffic is controlled by cops, these two serve akin functions; craft trouble.
A car in front of me, obviously a software geek was in all hurry, must have been late for a white ass client meeting; he was driving like one of those Indy car racers only that a few innocent souls were on the road. We were at the signal waiting for the lights, as the counter ticked to 10..9..8.. zoom our racer made his way before the green light, almost running down an unwary cyclist.
A cop sprung to the road from no where (they should be in the army for their camouflage skills) and tried to stop our freak racer. He stood in the path of the accelerating car with his arms open as if that was the moment he was born for, to sacrifice himself FOR A CAUSE, TO SERVE US.
For that tweeni minie miniscule second I felt proud of all those traffic officers who stood in the HOT sun all day, with no safety cream to protect their skin, no cool goggles to shade their eyes and no filters to stop them from breathing the dark smoke; a job FOR A CAUSE, TO SERVE US.
The tweeni minie miniscule second passed and the next thing I know is our driver, while the car is on the move had his hand out of the window and waving to the officer; the brave officer was still standing in the trajectory of the car, but had a glisten in his eyes.
the car kept moving ..
the officer stayed on the road..
every body held their breath...
the car was still on the run...
the driver turned to his left....
the officer was on the drivers side now...
but he stayed where he was.. never to move...all FOR A CAUSE.. TO SERVE US
the car kept moving.....
the officer stayed tranquil....
suddenly their hands met.....
the moment froze in time....
the car kept moving and the glimmer in the cops eye turned to a broad evil smile on his lips.
he was richer by 100 Rs.
ALL THIS FOR A CAUSE….. TO SERVE US
After cheating death, twice on the BTM road; just before entering Hosur road I witnessed the amazing act of “SERVING FOR A CAUSE”. We know traffic is controlled by cops, these two serve akin functions; craft trouble.
A car in front of me, obviously a software geek was in all hurry, must have been late for a white ass client meeting; he was driving like one of those Indy car racers only that a few innocent souls were on the road. We were at the signal waiting for the lights, as the counter ticked to 10..9..8.. zoom our racer made his way before the green light, almost running down an unwary cyclist.
A cop sprung to the road from no where (they should be in the army for their camouflage skills) and tried to stop our freak racer. He stood in the path of the accelerating car with his arms open as if that was the moment he was born for, to sacrifice himself FOR A CAUSE, TO SERVE US.
For that tweeni minie miniscule second I felt proud of all those traffic officers who stood in the HOT sun all day, with no safety cream to protect their skin, no cool goggles to shade their eyes and no filters to stop them from breathing the dark smoke; a job FOR A CAUSE, TO SERVE US.
The tweeni minie miniscule second passed and the next thing I know is our driver, while the car is on the move had his hand out of the window and waving to the officer; the brave officer was still standing in the trajectory of the car, but had a glisten in his eyes.
the car kept moving ..
the officer stayed on the road..
every body held their breath...
the car was still on the run...
the driver turned to his left....
the officer was on the drivers side now...
but he stayed where he was.. never to move...all FOR A CAUSE.. TO SERVE US
the car kept moving.....
the officer stayed tranquil....
suddenly their hands met.....
the moment froze in time....
the car kept moving and the glimmer in the cops eye turned to a broad evil smile on his lips.
he was richer by 100 Rs.
ALL THIS FOR A CAUSE….. TO SERVE US
Friday, May 06, 2005
Heineken to buy Russian beer firm....
Dutch beer company Heineken has agreed to buy Russian brewer Patra for an undisclosed sum.... some news, esp at the week end !!
yahhooooo.... jingi jakie chaaaaa jingi jakieee cha... jingi ghikidi aha....jhidi ghadi jakieeee.... jha
[doing a dappankuthu... and whistling]
"Let the Farce be with them".
yahhooooo.... jingi jakie chaaaaa jingi jakieee cha... jingi ghikidi aha....jhidi ghadi jakieeee.... jha
[doing a dappankuthu... and whistling]
"Let the Farce be with them".
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
God's own heater.
Was in Kollam since Thursday. Got back to Blore today morning; tanned and dehydrated.
Kerala is getting hotter every day. The last time I peed so much was at age 2 in my ammumas lap. She loves me you see, and I do it to every one I love.
"no no Merina, with you it was all that beer.....ahem of course my love too".
Kerala is only a step away from sun-strokes and coolers. Maalu chettans and chechis are growing darker, though not less beautiful.
If it was not for all that tender coconut and maalu kutties, I would have disowned my stature as Mr.Nair.
Spent some time at Varkala "Papanashini", an hour’s drive from my house in Kollam. It came as a reminder; why Kerala is Gods own Sweet spot.
They say, if you want to cleanse your soul take a dip at Varkala; I did. Wonder why it tasted salty??!!
The famous 2000 year old Vishnu temple was prohibited for me because of religious reasons (since there was a death in my family I am devoid of temples for the next 16 days)
The sea side was sprawling with huts and shops exclusive to the white skinned. “Kappa” “meen curry” and many other dishes, adoring my moms table every day, was an exquisite dish in Varkala; they were priced lofty too. The local tea stall had a board painted "café espresso" and spelled correctly too; they didn’t zimply say mallus have 100% literacy.
Though TAJ group was minting money by the cliff; the locals were having their share of cake too, a big one. Mr.Krishnakumar was running a "Exchange de currency here" from his 4X4 mtr thatched hut and mariamma had her "International hotel for Kerala spices" busy; talk about globalisation.
Marriamma getting all that spice with her loose blouse and low tied mundu is understandable, but Krishnakumar all that currency!!!...I wonder from where??
Kerala is getting hotter every day. The last time I peed so much was at age 2 in my ammumas lap. She loves me you see, and I do it to every one I love.
"no no Merina, with you it was all that beer.....ahem of course my love too".
Kerala is only a step away from sun-strokes and coolers. Maalu chettans and chechis are growing darker, though not less beautiful.
If it was not for all that tender coconut and maalu kutties, I would have disowned my stature as Mr.Nair.
Spent some time at Varkala "Papanashini", an hour’s drive from my house in Kollam. It came as a reminder; why Kerala is Gods own Sweet spot.
They say, if you want to cleanse your soul take a dip at Varkala; I did. Wonder why it tasted salty??!!
The famous 2000 year old Vishnu temple was prohibited for me because of religious reasons (since there was a death in my family I am devoid of temples for the next 16 days)
The sea side was sprawling with huts and shops exclusive to the white skinned. “Kappa” “meen curry” and many other dishes, adoring my moms table every day, was an exquisite dish in Varkala; they were priced lofty too. The local tea stall had a board painted "café espresso" and spelled correctly too; they didn’t zimply say mallus have 100% literacy.
Though TAJ group was minting money by the cliff; the locals were having their share of cake too, a big one. Mr.Krishnakumar was running a "Exchange de currency here" from his 4X4 mtr thatched hut and mariamma had her "International hotel for Kerala spices" busy; talk about globalisation.
Marriamma getting all that spice with her loose blouse and low tied mundu is understandable, but Krishnakumar all that currency!!!...I wonder from where??
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
My MAN and SHE.
Though the day began on a usual note; project updates, dead lines and all those forwards containing cosmetic words like "love" "friendship" etc;
One mail stood out with a subject line "A fighter called Siddharth".
A quick search on Google and I present to you my “brave man”.
In recent times such a confluence of emotions happened was in a cinema theater; watching "BLACK".
This could be a right time to mention, my inspiration and the first person I pray to when I'm in dire-straits;
My God-Mother Rani aunty.
She was in wheel chair because of some disease I cannot pronounce and I don’t want to; had to undergo physiotherapy. She was provided with this help at “Jyothi” center for the specially-abled children. We were invited for a dance and light show hosted by them, this was in my class 7th; and trust me till date I haven’t forgotten the confidence and fun they had performing for us.
Rani Aunty extended help to the institute and donated a lump sum for their future activities. I could end saying, with puffed chest and bulging eyes "someday I will also so the same, like Rani aunty did"; I Sincerely pray, "God please don't change my mind".
Aunty, you may not be here with us, but your presence is always felt.
One mail stood out with a subject line "A fighter called Siddharth".
A quick search on Google and I present to you my “brave man”.
In recent times such a confluence of emotions happened was in a cinema theater; watching "BLACK".
This could be a right time to mention, my inspiration and the first person I pray to when I'm in dire-straits;
My God-Mother Rani aunty.
She was in wheel chair because of some disease I cannot pronounce and I don’t want to; had to undergo physiotherapy. She was provided with this help at “Jyothi” center for the specially-abled children. We were invited for a dance and light show hosted by them, this was in my class 7th; and trust me till date I haven’t forgotten the confidence and fun they had performing for us.
Rani Aunty extended help to the institute and donated a lump sum for their future activities. I could end saying, with puffed chest and bulging eyes "someday I will also so the same, like Rani aunty did"; I Sincerely pray, "God please don't change my mind".
Aunty, you may not be here with us, but your presence is always felt.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Reproduction... Only a reason
One evening Mr and Mrs decided to play husband wife and make kids.
Involve in the divine act of reproduction, to have an offspring, strong as Hercules, smart as Einstein, fast as Ben Johnson and witty as Jim Carrey.
He was born to the 'Somiahs" in the green slopes of Koorg; amid fresh smelling coffee beans and morning mist.
A few hours after his birth in the hospital, his grand dad let him taste the divine nectar, the nectar every Koorgy devours till death, the nectar they survive on.
Weak, tiny eyes of the infant opened to the real world and Vinay Somiah was born.
I wish my surname was "Somiah".
(Inspired by a conversation I had with my Koorgy friend, Vinay; obviously in a BAR)
PS: I love Koorgy’s.
Involve in the divine act of reproduction, to have an offspring, strong as Hercules, smart as Einstein, fast as Ben Johnson and witty as Jim Carrey.
He was born to the 'Somiahs" in the green slopes of Koorg; amid fresh smelling coffee beans and morning mist.
A few hours after his birth in the hospital, his grand dad let him taste the divine nectar, the nectar every Koorgy devours till death, the nectar they survive on.
Weak, tiny eyes of the infant opened to the real world and Vinay Somiah was born.
I wish my surname was "Somiah".
(Inspired by a conversation I had with my Koorgy friend, Vinay; obviously in a BAR)
PS: I love Koorgy’s.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Natures bliss a Goat's Leap.
Don’t feel like posting anything, Every joint in my body is aching after the trek to Mekedatu (Goat’s leap).
A real refreshing trip away from the crowd, I guess it got a lil too refreshing. The cancerian in me was lured by the gushign water and greenery. The hard, sharp and slipery rocks underwater reminded me that I was just another city dweling babu, and yes I was left with few cuts and bruises.All that, did not deter my love for the gushing water and clean air. This was at Sangama.
The 3 km treck to mekedatu from Sangama drained me out, but worth it.I am still on glucose boxes and bannans; so will post more latter (with pics).
A real refreshing trip away from the crowd, I guess it got a lil too refreshing. The cancerian in me was lured by the gushign water and greenery. The hard, sharp and slipery rocks underwater reminded me that I was just another city dweling babu, and yes I was left with few cuts and bruises.All that, did not deter my love for the gushing water and clean air. This was at Sangama.
The 3 km treck to mekedatu from Sangama drained me out, but worth it.I am still on glucose boxes and bannans; so will post more latter (with pics).
Monday, April 11, 2005
The week-end that "BLEW"
Saturday came..
Sunday came..
The wind blew so did my nose.
The only one that stayed was my cold.
Ever felt like you could not stop what you were doing? It keeps happening over and over and over, and all you can do is keep doing it. The nostalgia goes through me every Monday. This Monday was no different only that it was worse.
The thought of going to office over flowed my mind, the only other thing overflowing was my handkerchief; thanks to the horrible cold, and news of my cousin getting admitted in the hospital.
My week begins.
All germs in my body must be having a feast. White blood cells are for sure, working over time, I sneezed a record 50 yesterday evening, and my roomies use my face as a catalyst for their bowel movement in the mornings.
Staying away from home and obviously deprived of mothers love and nutrition has taken its toll. My gastric system has been through all different atrocities; from Andhra pickles to street side Muniyandi villas "kothu-parathas", from bisibella-bath to "dog" meat camouflaged beef. All I wish for these days is for one evening when I don’t have to ask myself “where are you eating today?".
“Give me kanya and I’ll give you Food”;
A forum where you get to register for a set of healthy home cooked meal in exchange for invaluable company of Anoop (only unmarried women and those with no boyfriends are allowed) need to be setup. Through this, food deprived men get to devour food touched by the kanya while I get to be a humanitarian who care, worry for the destitute beautiful male-deprived women. A god man whose life will be an inspiration to impart respect and dedication to the feminine clad. An aberration from the typical male.
Help me reach my karma; my fellow sari clad inmates of this companionship deprived earth.
LET ANOOP INHERIT THE EARTH……amen
Achoooooo……
Sunday came..
The wind blew so did my nose.
The only one that stayed was my cold.
Ever felt like you could not stop what you were doing? It keeps happening over and over and over, and all you can do is keep doing it. The nostalgia goes through me every Monday. This Monday was no different only that it was worse.
The thought of going to office over flowed my mind, the only other thing overflowing was my handkerchief; thanks to the horrible cold, and news of my cousin getting admitted in the hospital.
My week begins.
All germs in my body must be having a feast. White blood cells are for sure, working over time, I sneezed a record 50 yesterday evening, and my roomies use my face as a catalyst for their bowel movement in the mornings.
Staying away from home and obviously deprived of mothers love and nutrition has taken its toll. My gastric system has been through all different atrocities; from Andhra pickles to street side Muniyandi villas "kothu-parathas", from bisibella-bath to "dog" meat camouflaged beef. All I wish for these days is for one evening when I don’t have to ask myself “where are you eating today?".
“Give me kanya and I’ll give you Food”;
A forum where you get to register for a set of healthy home cooked meal in exchange for invaluable company of Anoop (only unmarried women and those with no boyfriends are allowed) need to be setup. Through this, food deprived men get to devour food touched by the kanya while I get to be a humanitarian who care, worry for the destitute beautiful male-deprived women. A god man whose life will be an inspiration to impart respect and dedication to the feminine clad. An aberration from the typical male.
Help me reach my karma; my fellow sari clad inmates of this companionship deprived earth.
LET ANOOP INHERIT THE EARTH……amen
Achoooooo……
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Corporate thamsha!
The day went fine except for the birthday celebration we had.
I was wondered stuck to see the amount of enthusiasm these software guys have when it comes to impressing their boss.
They don’t mind singing “pehala nasha…” in English…. Or eat a whole cake with pumpkin flavor.
Of course the corporate jokes fly in the air.
“…..Then they ordered a cup of shave and haircut not realizing they were in a Barber shop… ha ha ha ha ha “,
“.. oh Mr manager that was a good one… hahahahahah”.
Can you please move away from the window I’ll like to jump off.
Damn its 7 ..If I stay a little longer then I’ll miss the bus and the next bus is after an hour. So I’ll update latter;
Till then adios.
I was wondered stuck to see the amount of enthusiasm these software guys have when it comes to impressing their boss.
They don’t mind singing “pehala nasha…” in English…. Or eat a whole cake with pumpkin flavor.
Of course the corporate jokes fly in the air.
“…..Then they ordered a cup of shave and haircut not realizing they were in a Barber shop… ha ha ha ha ha “,
“.. oh Mr manager that was a good one… hahahahahah”.
Can you please move away from the window I’ll like to jump off.
Damn its 7 ..If I stay a little longer then I’ll miss the bus and the next bus is after an hour. So I’ll update latter;
Till then adios.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Gastritis, a "Canteen" away......
We work hard, to cater to our basic necessities and FOOD stands tall in the list, for me, and my company takes extra care when it comes to food. After all it is our heath that determine the NYSE quote of the company.
Past few weeks at my new office, tempted me to try the different culinary delights they serve in the office canteen. I’ll try and describe them to you. Though my descriptions won't do justice to the treat my taste buds have been through; I’ll try my best.
(just in case you did not notice the sarcasm)
9:20 AM --Read breakfast menu.
9:25 AM --Realise it’s the same menu, as past 5 days.
9:30 AM --Over heard a guy……. “I am just out of hospital,… no no this time I escaped death ……. Yes it was the biriyani I ate”
9:35 AM --Pray to God and get my idlies.
9:50 AM --I am still alive.
Parathas come with an axe-saw blade just in case you feel like eating them, or you could leave them to soak in the age old curd for 4 days before they become soft.
We have Karnataka specials every day. "chowchow bath", hah… nothing Chinese about this dish.
When the experts called the pan chewing chef to know what his new preparation was.
He said “go go, I am in the bathroom,”
The half deaf expert heard it “chowchow bath”.
(I am loosing my sense of humor so is my common sense, so please excuse the above drivel)
The Juice section in the canteen works 24/7.
They add a pinch of mango/grape/orange essence with the tall glass of water.
"Milk" is a cosmetic, also serevs as a camouflage in milk shakes.
Burp........ Can’t wait for lunch.
12:30 PM --lunch is served.
12:34 PM --I see the menu.
12:34 PM --LUNCH FINISHED.
Thank god the cooler water comes free.
Burp....... can't wait for tea break.
4:30 PM --The menu screams "Today’s Menu".
1) Asserted BONDAS.
Please excuse the mess boys English, that was meant to be assorted. But then, could that be a candid warning, maybe he meant assaulted.
These bondas alias "Killer bondas", come in blood shot red colour and looks obnoxious, like one of those aliens that suck blood from your neck in a cheap space fiction serial.
The day I buy them will be to puncture my boss’s skull.
2) Mangalore BU’n’S.
Some smart chap replaced the 'n' with a 'M' on the menu board.
This is a highly sophisticated dish which is made according to the secret recipe.
They have to go buy the buns, make it sound exotic, serve them. The rest is done by the hungry software engineer.
Plain buns they are, oops...not just any plain bun, soggy depleted "Mangalore Buns"; mind that.
3) Set Dosa.
Same as the breakfast dosas, only that count in the plate is increased.
4) Veg colizoniues
Please don’t ask me what they are or to pronounce this word.
The French client who thought Indian software professionals didn’t know how to kill each other designed it for us. It takes fifteen minutes to prepare, so you have enough time to decide whom to throw at.
5) Veg Pizzas alias flying disks.
Topped with exotic sauces and decayed vegetables, just the smell is enough to keep you in loo for 10 days.
6) Boanda soup:
The super combination of devil and her advocate.
Never tried them. Some day when I feel like I’ve had enough of life, I’ll order one.
4:50 PM—--Return to the cubical.
I survived another day.
Past few weeks at my new office, tempted me to try the different culinary delights they serve in the office canteen. I’ll try and describe them to you. Though my descriptions won't do justice to the treat my taste buds have been through; I’ll try my best.
(just in case you did not notice the sarcasm)
9:20 AM --Read breakfast menu.
9:25 AM --Realise it’s the same menu, as past 5 days.
9:30 AM --Over heard a guy……. “I am just out of hospital,… no no this time I escaped death ……. Yes it was the biriyani I ate”
9:35 AM --Pray to God and get my idlies.
9:50 AM --I am still alive.
Parathas come with an axe-saw blade just in case you feel like eating them, or you could leave them to soak in the age old curd for 4 days before they become soft.
We have Karnataka specials every day. "chowchow bath", hah… nothing Chinese about this dish.
When the experts called the pan chewing chef to know what his new preparation was.
He said “go go, I am in the bathroom,”
The half deaf expert heard it “chowchow bath”.
(I am loosing my sense of humor so is my common sense, so please excuse the above drivel)
The Juice section in the canteen works 24/7.
They add a pinch of mango/grape/orange essence with the tall glass of water.
"Milk" is a cosmetic, also serevs as a camouflage in milk shakes.
Burp........ Can’t wait for lunch.
12:30 PM --lunch is served.
12:34 PM --I see the menu.
12:34 PM --LUNCH FINISHED.
Thank god the cooler water comes free.
Burp....... can't wait for tea break.
4:30 PM --The menu screams "Today’s Menu".
1) Asserted BONDAS.
Please excuse the mess boys English, that was meant to be assorted. But then, could that be a candid warning, maybe he meant assaulted.
These bondas alias "Killer bondas", come in blood shot red colour and looks obnoxious, like one of those aliens that suck blood from your neck in a cheap space fiction serial.
The day I buy them will be to puncture my boss’s skull.
2) Mangalore BU’n’S.
Some smart chap replaced the 'n' with a 'M' on the menu board.
This is a highly sophisticated dish which is made according to the secret recipe.
They have to go buy the buns, make it sound exotic, serve them. The rest is done by the hungry software engineer.
Plain buns they are, oops...not just any plain bun, soggy depleted "Mangalore Buns"; mind that.
3) Set Dosa.
Same as the breakfast dosas, only that count in the plate is increased.
4) Veg colizoniues
Please don’t ask me what they are or to pronounce this word.
The French client who thought Indian software professionals didn’t know how to kill each other designed it for us. It takes fifteen minutes to prepare, so you have enough time to decide whom to throw at.
5) Veg Pizzas alias flying disks.
Topped with exotic sauces and decayed vegetables, just the smell is enough to keep you in loo for 10 days.
6) Boanda soup:
The super combination of devil and her advocate.
Never tried them. Some day when I feel like I’ve had enough of life, I’ll order one.
4:50 PM—--Return to the cubical.
I survived another day.
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